When you find yourself on your hands and knees at 3am, scraping away at shits stuck to your brand new floor, it will eventually occur to you that being a homeowner is over-rated.
And by shit, I mean carpentry glue, plaster, paint and the worst shit, cement.
Then there will come the moment, or many moments, you will want to kill your lousy contractor. And just 'cause he's lousy doesn't mean he's working for you for cheap.
Which makes you keener in plotting his murder.
And to cast a really lustrous gloomy glow over the whole clean-up operation - an internal injury. Apparently not only pugilists can get it - just cough hard enough and you'll get it too.
Hard enough to regurgitate the cheezels you just ate. Or perhaps vomit the entire dinner you've been happy to keep in your stomach.
Once the pain appears in your ribs, you really ought to stop coughing. But of course you can't, when you're still suffering the symptoms of a crappy 2-week-old flu and phlegm.
And so, it spreads. Doctor says the pain is coming from the lung membrane and it can hit you with every little movement. Prob'ly she means, whenever lung comes into contact with ribs. She gives you painkillers - and only painkillers - because there is no treatment. The kind of painkillers that have to to be paired with anti-nausea drugs.
What exactly does this pain in the lung feel like?
Excruciating in a sneeze or cough. Try not to cough and you'll just start wheezing and eventually lose the battle anyway.
Doctors say, Take lots of rest. She means sleep, right? Try lying down on your back - it feels like ribs are crushing lung.
Soon, you'll be constantly clearing your throat to keep the cough down and avoiding abrupt movements.
That's what I'm doing anyway. Let's figure out how to survive Ophir in 10 days in this condition, shall we?
