15 again, naturally

Part 9 (Melbourne, 4 days)

Somewhere in the wilderness that is Tasmania, we'd gotten a call from the airline telling us that the flight we had back home from Melbourne has been cancelled and thus have to be moved to the following day. And, they say, there'll be no compensation for the extra night's lodging this will cost us.

I call to complain about the turn of events. The random customer service chap who picks up kicks off the conversation by whispering to his colleague nearby, apparently under the impression that I am unable to hear him if he whispers into his mouthpiece.

When he was finally ready to talk, he tells me I would receive travel vouchers in lieu of compensation. I'm easily fooled, as usual. My advice? Avoid Jetstar if you can, there're other budget airlines that fly Australia. They seem plagued with late flights, scheduling woes and, if the news is to be believed, tons of customer complaints. Suddenly, I remember that I forgot to put in a good word about this fellow in my survey form (yet another one I actually wanted to fill).

Shockingly, the lady who greets us at our lodgings guesses I am 15 years old. It's been some time since this happened. I don't know if this is better than being told I am "like a guy", except for a perceived too low level of interest in sex. People who've never had to face being thought of as a 15-year-old by strangers all through their 20s and even on the wrong side of 30 seem to think it's all fun and games.

But back to Melbourne - it's actually quite refreshing to live opposite the city's largest cemetery. We missed our tram stop on 2 consecutive days despite the unmistakable landmark. You can also ponder the rows and rows of gravestones while doing the dishes, searching for the elusive answers to questions like why Asian ghouls are more terrifying than Western ones.

NB. Look left for pictures from Darwin before the bird licked my lens <_<

Down under Down Under

PART 8 (Launceston to Hobart, 11 days)

People seem to find themselves very witty when they refer to Tasmania as "down under Down Under". I first encounter this in the kitchen of our Launceston lodgings, attempting to start breakfast for my apparent Flock for the next 11 days. It came from a middle-aged Melbourne man vacationing with ... his mother.

Now, to save you the trouble of reading, and me of thinking up witty things to say, I present pictures from Slave #1. If you look closely, you might find some lucky numbers!

1. Cataract Gorge, Launceston --- 2. 41 degress South Salmon & Ginseng Farm, Deloraine --- 3. Stream near 41 degress South Salmon & Ginseng Farm, Deloraine --- 4. Field near Ashgrove Farm Cheese, Elizabeth Town --- 5. Launceston City Park --- 6. Under the old oak tree at Bridestowe Lavender Farm, Nabowla --- 7. Pyengana Cheese Factory --- 8. Echina on Halls Falls trail, The Blue Tier, Pyengana --- 9 & 10. Halls Falls, The Blue Tier, Pyengana

ABOVE: 1. The Village Store, St Helens --- 2. Sweetwater Villas, St Helens --- 3. On the way to Binalong Bay --- 4. Binalong Bay --- 5. Bay of Fires --- 6. Sea anemones, Bay of Fires --- 7 & 8. Bay of Fires --- 9. Back to St Helens --- 10 - 12. Fungus, Evercreech Nature Reserve --- 13. Tallest White Gums in the world, Evercreech Nature Reserve --- 14. The Blowhole, Bicheno Foreshore Footway --- 15. Glass bottomed boat, Bicheno --- 16. Moonrise, Bicheno Foreshore Footway

BELOW: 1. On the Wine Glass Bay trail, Freycinet National Park --- 2. Wine Glass Bay, Freycinet National Park --- 3. Cape Tourville, Freycinet National Park --- 4. Failed attempt to get to the Saltwater Lagoon, Friendly Beaches, Freycinet National Park --- 5. Salamanca Market, Hobart --- 6. Quoll, The Tasmanian Devil Park, Taranna --- 7. Wallaby, The Tasmanian Devil Park, Taranna --- 8. Tasmanian Devil, The Tasmanian Devil Park, Taranna --- 9. Port Arthur penitentiary --- 10 - 12. Eaglehawk Neck --- 13. Tasman Arch, Eaglehawk Neck --- 14. Hobart from Mount Wellington --- 15. Bouncing Pillow, Discovery Holiday Park, Hobart --- 16. Richmond church

You know Tourists

PART 7 (Adelaide to Melbourne, 3 days)

Actually set off on the tour looking forward to filling out the detestable Survey/Feedback Form. A long complaint about the poor management regarding the pick-up service that stranded me in Adelaide for 2 days is in order.

It's a mixed bag of 10 passengers this time around, consisting mostly of Europeans.

1. An adventurous fat and squat lady from Slovenia who climbed out of a taxi in an orange skirt ensemble. She wears short slingbacks with crocheted socks! Long-sighted spectacles not-withstanding, she wades into the sea in a bikini. I was fearful there'd be some sort of wardrobe malfunction and so averted my eyes from her bosom.

2. A thin and short lady from Argentina. An English teacher, I heard, which I don't doubt since she speaks crisply and looks like a disciplinarian. Does not hike, which makes little sense for her to be on the tour.

3. A loud Hong Konger who speaks suspect English. Nothing wrong with that, except he's looking for a university teaching job in Australia after apparently completing his PhD and research work in Sydney. Goes by the mantra 'If it's wrong, you can't accept it - You've got to fight for it!' Thinks the Chinese in Malaysia should fight for their rights. Yes, well. The guy caught a cold back in the furnace that is Alice Springs by not wearing a shirt to sleep in an air conditioned room.

4. A quiet bookish-looking Swiss girl. Gets some sort of eye infection but insists on not getting medical attention. Apparently, women's tennis is too boring, but men's tennis sometimes gets so exciting one's heart might explode. Going to Melbourne to cheer on Roger Federer. Poor Andy Murray.

5-8. A big balding Frenchman. Seems to be trying to endear himself to the Dutch woman, a geologist (PhD). His friend and rival seems to be a hulking Dutchman, who may only be just friendly towards his fellow countryman and not actually vying for her affections. Another possible contender is an Englishman who appears to be in the know of party places in Melbourne, where he's been living with relations for a while. He's invited the Dutch lady to a house party on the beach.

9. A very pale person from Perth with short red hair. On the tour, she's officially a girl, but the Frenchman and the Dutchman apparently spend their spare moments speculating otherwise.

For this leg, we go up the fabulous Grampians and then down to the spectacular Great Ocean Road. I've got myself a seat right at the back. Comparatively, I have to admit the seat right at the front boasts the best views but is a lot less conductive to falling asleep. The backseat is excellent for catching a nap and examining the back of the heads of the other passengers.

One afternoon, there we were, standing on the beach at the Loch Ard Gorge on the shipwreck coast. The bay is partially blocked by a rock pillar, which until June last year had been part of an archway. On the right is a cave, but the only way there is to pick your way through the slippery rocks hugging the cliff face. So a few of us do it, simply because we've got a mad tour leader. Much to his delight, a few random tourists started to follow us and get their clothes wet in the rising tide as his derisive laughter echoes across the bay.

No sunset (again) at the Twelve Apostles but everyone was all agog watching fairy penguins coming in to shore. Even though they looked more like specks of dirt all the way from the top of the cliff. You know tourists (lah).

Cruddy Cannon

PART 6 (Adelaide, another 2 days)

The Cannon Street Backpackers is a hostel converted from what looks to be an old warehouse. To make it look festive, they have painted the frontage in bright colours, crayon drawings popular with youths. The ground floor features, besides reception, a table tennis table, a travel centre and a smallish soup-kitchen-type place that serves free apple pie every day at precisely 8pm. With fresh cream.

On the second level, there is a small space housing 4 computer terminals, a sectioned-off area with table and chairs, followed by a large 'living' area containing ... nothing much. Then, rooms begin to line both sides, separated by a middle block of toilets and showers. Although carpeted, everyone who walks on the hallway sounds like they are stomping, and although room doors are s'posed to close automatically like those in offices, they sound like they are banging all the time. It is a cruddy place that appears to employ working-travellers to do the so-called cleaning. I lived it up here for 2 days after my tour to Melbourne left without me.

Apparently, I was s'posed to board the tour bus somewhere else instead of being picked up from where I was staying. However, it'd been stated on my travel voucher: Pick up at YHA Adelaide (and meet at a secondary location in brackets). Yes, I woke up at 5am for this nonsense. How typical this should happen the day after I wrote postcards to people saying this odyssey would end in 3 days.

So, they try to book me in at the YHA for a further 2 nights (free of charge, of course). But the YHA, being a clean, efficiently run place complete with anal receptionists (Ma'am, you can't lay on the couch here) who're evidently deficient in other ways, is fully booked. Cruddy place it is, then.

Must've sat on the free City Loop bus at least 10 times over 2 days. Thought I'd visit Port Adelaide on the second day on the train, but the line's being renovated, so hopped on a bus instead. Turns out, you have to stick the bus ticket into a ticket machine after paying for it. I found that out after the bus driver hollared at me for 10 minutes, only I didn't know it was me he was shouting at and was looking around wondering what's the matter. Meanwhile, the other passengers are looking around wondering what kind of idiot I am.

From wet to dry

PART 4 (Alice Springs to Adelaide, 6 days)

To conclude the previous story -
it could've ended with less angst, but I'm not sorry.
Left a 20 and a note for the guy with the beat up car -
he might burn it but more likely spend it chasing girls in a bar.

On to King's Canyon to walk on the rim,
the French lady obviously hasn't spent time at the gym -
although she almost didn't make it to the top,
she wasn't the one who made us all stop.
That was when another lady had a fainting spell
apparently because it's hot as hell.

Then we're all rained out at Uluru -
the European passengers are crying boohoohoo!
It's just like back in Germany (or Denmark) at this time
and we wouldn't even have had to spend a dime!
And while rivelets of water were coming down the Red Rock,
flowing pools led to the road to Kata Tjuta being blocked.

Then on to Flinders' Ranges and Warren Gorge to find rock wallabies and kangaroos
Along the way, the loud English girl got pictures of roadkill too!
But I say animals shouldn't be roadkill -
delinquents in Quorn more fit the bill.
They harrassed me at the playground
and then followed me like hounds.
Sometimes you wish you were taller with more strength and might,
so bullies wouldn't try attacking you in broad daylight.
But other times it's words that wrench,
like when the English and Germans laugh at the finicky French.
They'd be perfect as banshees at a zoo -
no doubt if you weren't there they'd laugh at you too.

PART 5 (Adelaide, 1 day)

The group had dinner last night at a Malaysian restaurant. I am not sure why I went. Prob'ly because I was asked and it seemed awkward to say no. They spend half the time slagging off the trio referred to as the "Frenchies", who obviously declined the dinner invite. They seem to have a particular dislike for the French woman, who is unfortunately pudgy ("massive" is the word of choice) and unfit. She also has a queenly attitude, with her smaller sized (and younger) husband waiting on her hand and foot. The couple is travelling with the husband's old school friend, which is odd for a honeymoon. The three of them tote huge cameras and have apparently snapped "millions" of pictures over the 6 days.

I'd been sharing a room with the trio and a pair of Danish sisters for two nights back in Quorn. They'd complained about having to help prepare food, wash dishes, share rooms with strangers, go on tough hikes and see Uluru in the rain. Claimed they didn't know it was part of the tour (perhaps the word "adventure" is too foreign), and that A$900 is too much to pay for such a tour. Perhaps one good thing that might have come out of this is that one of the single Danish sister seems to have developed an interest in the single French guy. Unfortunately, he didn't seem that interested in her.

At the resto, I order a "curry laksa". Minus points for the pieces of chicken breast and squid. A German orders Gado Gado, but asks for oyster sauce to replace the peanut sauce. Later, she asks for soya sauce too. Kind of a massacre there.

It's s'posed to be warm here, but the wind is a killer. Hoping to buy a jacket or something, but the op shops in town are all closed on Sunday. Luckily I know Glenelg, which, being a seaside spot, is bustling on a Sunday - volleyball competition on the beach and the like. Hurrah! A cardigan for just A$9, a pair of jeans for A$20 and two tops for A$20! Admittedly, a cardigan doesn't do much against a wind like this.

A group of teenagers are crowded around the middle section of the tram back to the city. Made it look like the entire tram is crowded, but it turns out there are even free seats in other sections of the tram. Later, the conductor comes along and herds them to my section of the tram, and one of them exclaims, There's lots of space here! I wonder if they are idiots, since they don't appear to be blind.

Did I already mention the Australian landscape is stunning? The kind of stunning that makes you wish you could paint. I'd gladly do another road trip. But prob'ly minus the tour group.

NT goes swimming

Well, folks, things are going swimmingly in NT. Read on to find out just how swimmingly.

PART 1 (Kakadu National Park and surrounds, 3 days)

Flight 62 to Darwin is delayed by 30 minutes, but will still be able to make the tour when it lands at 4.30am. Good to have buffer time after all. The plane is only half full, so got the entire row of 3 seats to myself. Still couldn't get any sleep despite the good fortune.

Upon arrival, I get stopped at customs and questioned like a criminal for trying to bring in a packet of washing powder they think could be drugs. This, after I had to discard my packet of pea chips for fear of being held up at customs. The last time I was passing through Australian customs, it wasn't pleasant either. I now officially hate Australian customs.

I decided to jump into a cab as I was worried I would be late for the tour. Turns out I wasted the money - ended up waiting for the tour to show up for something like an hour.

Realised my mistake of taking this tour at the height of summer, and evidently monsoon season (no one told me that!). The state is apparently swarming with flies, some of which have painful stings. Camping with those, coupled with the swarms of mosquitoes? I don't recommend it. For one, it's kind of hard to get any sleep in a stuffy tent in a sleeping bag.

We are travelling in a 4WD type vehicle. It's like a lorry for transporting people. I got a seat up front, on top of the burning engine and right beside the driver/tour leader. She seems to be worried cause I am not socialising. Sigh.

My camera decides to conk off after lunch. Every picture turns out over exposed. Sorry folks, no pictures unless I manage to get the damned thing fixed somewhere along the way.

Didn't manage to get into Litchfield National Park on the last day because the roads are flooded and impassable. Common occurance, apparently, during monsoon season.

PART 2 (Darwin to Alice Springs, 3 days)

We depart Darwin in a mini tour bus lugging a trailer. I got a single seat towards the back of the bus, but then a group of Americans/Australians on a company outing grab the adjacent seats. Decide to get the seat in the front again as the group seem to talk rather a lot. So I end up sitting next to the tour leader again, this time a skinny bearded chap. He informs his passengers about the various places like he's reciting from memory. Also makes passengers play ice-breaking games. You know I was rolling my eyes, right? The guy also seems intent on making me chat with him while he drives.

I'm still not able to get any sleep in those dreaded 2-man tents, despite my best efforts. I just lie there in a pool of sweat from 9pm and check the clock after a long while, hoping it's time to get up, but it's only 1am.

Into the second day, the tour leader suggests I should go to dinner with him when we get to Alice. I am non-commital. Later, he asks the kind of question I thought shouldn't be within the boundaries of Q&A for people who just met. I get offended the second time he asks and ignore him the rest of the way to camp. That seemed to put him in a bad mood, and he loses his cool with the group later when they talk when he recites a story about the place. The A/A company group have started threatening to throw me into the pool if I persist in not swimming.

We spend the night at the Juno Horse Farm. It actually has horses. It also is swarming with flying ants. Orangy ones. But the night sky is clear and blanketed in stars, so this time I get to star gaze in bed instead of just stew in perspiration. The sky actually takes on a surreal jelly-like quality when looked through the window mesh, it almost wobbles.

On the third day, it seems the tour leader has assumed I will go to dinner with him and starts to ask me what I would like to eat. He also says I should meet him at 4pm on Saturday and we'll go do something before dinner. He also seems to have realised his mistake and keeps his lewd questioning in check.

PART 3 (Alice Springs, 2 days)

There is nothing (much) to do in Alice. It is pretty small and this weekend, it seems the #1 past-time for the locals is watching the Todd River flow. Apparently, this river only flows during the monsoon and this is the first time it is flowing this year, so it's somewhat of a big deal.

Found a camera shop and asked to get my camera fixed, but was refused. This camera is more than 3 years old and apparently not worth fixing, according to camera shop uncle. I wonder if he was hoping I'd buy a new camera at his shop if he tells me that. Sorry mate, I don't have any money to spend on new gadgets.

After walking around town about 3 times, I still can't find any of the bloody op shops I'd found listed on the internet. But I did find a second-hand bookstore where I purchase a second-hand book for A$14 (was hoping it'd be something more like A$5) and then at lunch, spilled tea down my white top and returned to the hostel to change and wash it. After that, I am bored and decide to make the 4pm meeting. I guess I have time to find out what he expects out of it before dinner actually happens.

We end up going bowling. I'm still terrible at it after 2 games. That took up an hour of our time, and we go to Anzac Hill next. Unfortunately, he refers repeatedly to going back to his place and getting "hot and sweaty". I make it clear it's not going to happen. He accuses me of using him to while away my time and I admit it. We're both pissed off at this point, so I decided to make my exit.

When I get to the bottom of the hill, he comes driving up alongside but I ignore him. He zooms off in a huff, like in a movie. Good grief.

Now I feel nauseous. And kind of embarrassed.

The new year sojourn

Everyone seems incredulous I am able to get 5 consecutive weeks off work, and still have managed to go for several holidays in the past year. It's because of a twin-headed serpent known as the mandatory no-pay leave and the mandatory common leave day that tend to rear its bawdy heads when the levels in our collective coffers head south.

Those, coupled with working public holidays and hence, amassing more days off, mean I had the luxury of planning my impending sojourn months in advance. Alas! I'm heading Down Under as my gold continues to diminish. It will, hopefully, begin to pile up after my return since it appears the serpent has been banished (for now).

At dinner with a friend and her other half a couple of days ago, I said I was going on holiday alone. (Although technically, only half of it is alone.)

Friend's husband .. (with a whiff of distaste) Why are you going alone?
Friend .. What better way to meet desirable backpacking foreign guys?
Me ........ (with disbelieve) Desirable???
Friend .. Okay, okay, what better way to meet [deleted] backpacking foreign guys then ...
Me ........ (smugly) Oh yes, what better way to meet a handsome Frenchman?

Her husband's a French whom she met on her travels. He claims to be handsome. In our conversations, the person I'm going to elope with tends to be a handsome Frenchman, even though my preferences veer regional.

In any case, I've armed myself with the relevant travel guide. Or rather, a few city maps photocopied from a travel guide picked up at the library. Also checked out 3 books of fiction, one of which is the first half of a Chinese novel 《兄弟》. It's making the trip with me and thus, will be overdue by the time it gets back. Yes, even with that great NLB invention called Renewing Your Books Online.

Other pre-flight preparations:

!P > YAWN ... tomorrow must get up early so can sleep on plane
aL > wa... what time ur flight
!P > 9.55pm
aL > get up early?
!P > yah, so i will tired by then. cause the flight is not that long so i got to sleep fast. see?
aL > ... sleep ... fast ...? speed sleep?
!P > YEAH!
aL > d'logic

You're all welcome to use it while I'm gone.